is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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