I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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