I think im going to throw up on grandma
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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