I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
