I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
