3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
