Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
