did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
