trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
