I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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