I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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