oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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