would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
