I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
