all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
