who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
