toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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