i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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