i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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