You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
