He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
