at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
