Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
