I'd wear matching sweaters with you
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
