So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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