He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
