I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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