Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He kissed a someone with a penis
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
