sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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