you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
