Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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