We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you didnt know i had herpes?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
