also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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