After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
