I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
