Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
