i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
