I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
