I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
