I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
