I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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