went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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