thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
