White coat. Heels.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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