sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
