The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
