The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You smell like a Billy Joel song
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
