can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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