You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
