First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
