I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
