Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
