I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
