My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
