The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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