Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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